I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
