Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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