i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
