I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
