Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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