she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
