I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
