I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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