The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
