Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
