He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
