Will you blow on my dice?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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