even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
