I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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