The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
