So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
