you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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