Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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