get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
