what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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