I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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