is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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