Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
