Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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