Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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