I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
