So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
