the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
