you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
