You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
