I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
