the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just had sex bonerless
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
