fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
