Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
