Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
