Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
