And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
