Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
