You just made me feel so damn special
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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