I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
