I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
