It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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