Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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