Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
