yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
