i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
