but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
