i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
