i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
