ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bet he comes in French.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
