Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
