I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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