Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
