sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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