You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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