Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
