I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
