why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
