Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
false alarm, still single
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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