smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
