he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
