I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
