Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
