You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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