I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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