im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
