You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
