just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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