god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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