piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
